The Establishment of Local Heathen Communities is a Holy Act

The establishment and growth of an active and tight-knit Heathen community here in Kansas City is quite literally a Holy act on the part of everyone involved. It is a right and worthy deed to which all of us can contribute and benefit. It is not about individual needs, though clearly many individual needs will be met. It is not about personal glory, though as a group our efforts may obtain some level of recognition. It is a community effort. We are each a cog in the machine working toward the same community-oriented goals. We are each important to the effort, but no one of us is more important than the effort, or each other. It will take dedication, generosity of time and effort, and sacrifice. But, in the end we will have built something that no one of us could have accomplished on our own. We will have created something from nothing, and be able to pass our efforts on to those of our children that wish to carry the torch forward. And what will this effort require?

It will take a willingness to be there regularly, once a month, so that we may build bonds, honor our Gods and Ancestors, learn together, and begin to work together. It takes the dedication to give the practice of your religion and community-building efforts some priority in your life. Family and being able to support that family always comes first, but where does your loyalty to your Gods, your Ancestors, our Ways, and your fellow local Heathens fall in your life? What priority are you willing to give these things? It means getting involved. Offering to help with things that need doing. It means reaching out and opening yourself up to making new friendships with those that share your beliefs and your practices. It means a shift in how you view yourself...so that you see yourself as an integral part of the Heartland Hof & Hall effort. And why do it?

Being involved in the Heartland Hof & Hall effort will enrich your life and the life of your family. Involving yourself in the local Heathen community assists you to be more focused on your native Folkway. It makes it easier to learn and grow more solid and knowledgeable in your beliefs. It allows you to put your Heathen world-view into practice, as you interact with an entire community of Heathens who share that same world-view. It allows all of us to be there for one another, when each of us inevitably needs a little moral support. For me, there is also the spiritual aspect of knowing that our Gods and Ancestors watch us every day. What are we doing to remember them and honor them? What are we doing to ensure the survival of the Ways of our People? What are we doing to pass our ways onto the next generation of Heathens? And that brings us full circle. Our involvement in building and growing an active and tight-knit Heathen community here in Kansas City gives our Gods and Ancestors their answers to these questions. This effort is quite literally a Holy act on the part of everyone involved.

I think it is important to be very intentional in your deeds, and to understand exactly what drives you.  Living intentionally requires understanding the meaning of your own actions in your life and the lives of others.  I believe that every effort to bring Heathens together into local groups and communities is a spiritually important and Holy act.  If you don't see your own efforts in this light, think on it a bit.  If the establishment of local Heathen communities is not a Holy act, of the greatest importance to ourselves and our families, then I don't know what is.  Seeing these efforts in this light, can bring new focus and energy to your own efforts, whatever stage of success you find yourself.

To learn more about the Heartland Hof & Hall effort, visit the HHH Page.

Mark Ludwig Stinson

Jotun's Bane Kindred

Temple of Our Heathen Gods

http://heathengods.com

What is Full-Immersion Heathenry?

My wife, Jennifer, made an observation the other day which I really took to heart.  To paraphrase, she said something like, "Heathenry is not a club or a weekend-only thing.  Heathenry is not a role-playing game or a re-enactment.  It is not dress-up or pretend or being on-line.  Heathenry is our life.  Our family...our children...are involved, and the kindred is our extended family.  We spend all of our time and  money on Heathenry.  Our family vacations are to Heathen gatherings, and our family friends are other Heathens.  This is what we do and who we are."

This observation got me to thinking, and it brought together a number of smaller thoughts that I hadn't really connected before.  It occurred to me that many of the struggles or misunderstandings between Heathens, both on-line and in-person, stem from differences in levels of involvement or immersion in Heathenry.  As usual, I'm going to use my own kindred, Jotun's Bane Kindred, as an example.  I would describe our kindred as fully immersed in our Heathenry.  We are not unique in this.  I personally know of many kindreds in the Midwest with a similar level of immersion, and I am certain they exist elsewhere as well.  

Jotun's Bane Kindred considers all the members of our kindred as part of one extended family.  We share true Frith with one another, considering a success or failure by any one of us to be a success or failure for the entire group.  We are Uncles and Aunts to each other's children.  We see each other at least once a week, and often several times a week.  We are at each other's home frequently, sometimes for religious reasons, but also for social purposes or to help out with something.  Our relationships within the kindred, and our relationships with people outside the kindred, are based on a Heathen world-view, Heathen values, and the tribal Thew of our kindred.

When I say that our kindred is "all-in," I mean we are literally "all-in."  Our kids and spouses are fully involved in everything that we do.  The vast majority of our friends outside the kindred, are Heathens within our Folk Community here in Kansas City or Heathens from around the Midwest that we have gotten to know very well at Heathen gatherings.  All of our family vacations or trips are centered around attending Heathen gatherings held by kindreds around the Midwest.  Walking into any one of our homes, there would be no mistaking any of us for anything other than Heathen.  Every kindred member has important portions of their home and land dedicated to honoring their Gods, the Ancestors, and the Vaettir.  Jennifer and I took the largest room in our house and remodeled it to become our kindred's Hall.  A place large enough for the whole kindred to gather comfortably, hold workshops, feast, sit in Symbel, or honor our Gods.  

Our kindred holds open Heathen gatherings, as do many other kindreds here in the Midwest.  The time, effort, planning, and money that goes into hosting these gatherings would be difficult to over-estimate.  For Lightning Across the Plains alone, we end up sacrificing about two months of our lives each year to making the event successful and meaningful for those that attend.  Whenever we attend a gathering held by another kindred, we know exactly how much time and effort, blood, sweat, and tears they have put into their event on behalf of their guests.

It goes without saying that a large portion of our free time and disposable income are focused on our kindred, our Heathen activities, and Heathenry in general.  Heathenry is at the center of our lives...and we are fully immersed in it.  We use our real names both on-line and within the Heathen community.  We participate in fostering our children with other kindreds in the Midwest.  Our crafting activities, reading, and social activities center around Heathen themes.  If I go to a movie or a hockey game with other people, you can be certain it is with members of my kindred.  If one of us faces a large crisis in our life, you can be equally certain the rest of the kindred is right there at our side.

Successful members of our kindred understand the high level of responsibility they have to their own family and the families of the other members of the kindred.  They make decisions with both their own needs, the needs of their family, and the needs of the kindred in mind.  All the decisions they make and the actions they take can have an impact on every other member of our kindred..their families...their children.  Their Orlog and Luck is tied to the Orlog and Luck of the group, and this lends a gravity to one's decisions that the individual alone does not experience.  Due to our kindred's close relationship with many kindreds here in our region, a kindred member should further recognize that his/her decisions and actions can also affect our Heathen friends throughout the region, their kindreds, and their children.

DIFFERENT LEVELS OF IMMERSION

Not everyone is at the same level of involvement or immersion, and I have not described Jotun's Bane Kindred's level of immersion above as a negative judgement on other people.  Just as a factual matter, there are people that treat Heathenry a bit more like a hobby in which they indulge upon occasion.  An interest they spend some time reading about and browsing relevant websites.  Some people do not have the time at that moment to become fully immersed.  Some people don't have the support of their spouse or their families, and feel unable to really commit themselves.  Some people don't have any other Heathens in their area, and this can be naturally discouraging.  Some people see kindreds as more of a club, than an extended family.   For some it can be a weekend-only activity...something their spouse let's them go do for some time away, like a sports league or another individual activity.  Some are in a situation where their spouse or ex-spouse won't let them involve their children in Heathenry.  Some simply have other commitment and other interests that take up a fair portion of their time.  We understand this.

So, I'm going to say this one more time to avoid misunderstanding.  By describing our own level of immersion, I'm not commenting negatively on anyone else.  Obviously, our level of immersion is one that we are comfortable with and one that we feel serves us best, or we would not be doing it.  But, we understand it might not serve everyone best.  We know, like, and enjoy being around Heathens with various levels of involvement and immersion.

HOW DIFFERENCES CAN CAUSE PROBLEMS

What can often cause problems, is when Heathens with differing levels of involvement or immersion meet and interact, without a good understanding of their differences.  The following are hypothetical situations meant to illustrate my point.  They are generalizations, and not a comment about any certain group or type of people.

Imagine for a moment a new Heathen father who wants full immersion for his family and children and finds a kindred in his area that is more of a club or weekend-only activity for individuals.  The newcomer will have certain expectations and hopes for this encounter with the new group which may very well clash with the established expectations within the club-like kindred.  The new Heathen may see the group as not being serious or committed enough, and the kindred may very well see the new Heathen as pushy, judgmental, and annoying.

Imagine the Heathen individual who comes from a dysfunctional family finding a very family-oriented fully-immersed kindred in his area.  This individual may have never known what it is to be part of a healthy family, and may not have the skills or ability to move beyond being just an individual.  The family-oriented kindred will obviously have some expectations regarding those attempting to join them, and this individual may not be able to meet those expectations.  You would think that a family-oriented kindred could train an individual to know how to interact within a family, but in most cases the damage has been done and their is no way to teach the person.  Often, they don't even have the capability to recognize or acknowledge their own dysfunctional inability to function within a family environment.

Imagine in general the new person to Heathenry.  They are still learning, exploring, and trying to get a foothold on this entirely different world-view and way of living.  A club-like kindred may be a great fit for them at first...but a fit that they may potentially out-grow if as they learn over time that they find they want to be more heavily immersed.  On the other hand, if they join a full-immersed kindred too early on, they may not fully understand the level of involvement to which they have committed...and do poorly at it in the long run.

Young single people can be a potential problem for a kindred that expects long-term commitment and full immersion.  It can be impossible to predict who a young person is going to get into a romantic relationship with, and even more impossible to predict how that relationship will alter their focus and commitment to the kindred.  Multiply this over several relationships that occur in a series, and there is certain lack of stability that will likely develop.  Young single people are also more likely to move away in order to pursue a new relationship or career opportunity.  None of this is bad in and of itself, but it should be kept in mind.

A married individual who has a spouse that dislikes Heathenry and does not support their involvement in the kindred can obviously be a large problem for a fully-immersed kindred.  Non-supportive spouses tend to pick at and grind away at the involved spouse causing them all sorts of stress and problems, and all of this is usually just the build up to an ultimatum to leave the kindred and Heathenry.  It is also enormously unlikely that a married member with a non-supportive spouse will be allowed to involve their children in your kindred, causing another focus of stress for them and within their marriage.

There are individuals that chase the next shiny thing.  They rarely realize that this is what they are doing, but they basically go from new interest to new interest, showing an intense amount of commitment to each new activity for a short amount of time.  And then off to the next shiny thing.  When these folks join a fully immersed kindred they come in like gang-busters, and then one day they are just gone to the next thing.  I wonder if they realize the damage they do to the other members, families, and children of such a group?

And let's not forget those who love drama.  They feed on emotional turmoil and the negative attention that comes from being at the center of problems, or at least enormously close to problems they've stirred up.  These individuals will never admit and may not even recognize that this is who they are and what they do.  But, you can usually spot them by listening to the stories they tell of how unfairly they were treated by past jobs, other groups they belonged to, or other drama-filled tales with them as cast as the victim.  These drama addicts can cause an enormous amount of damage to even a solid kindred if you let them.  

THE COMMON SENSE AND THE EXCEPTIONS

Again, I'm about to make some generalizations.  But, I'm going to try and off-set this by acknowledging the ever-present exceptions to every rule.  There are people who fit every good indicator who will be a nightmare for your kindred.  There are people who should send up every red-flag, who will be amazing members in your kindred.  There is no hard and fast rule.  But, I still believe there is value in considering the generalizations.

If you have a family-oriented, fully-immersed kindred or are trying to build one, it is just common sense that some people are going to fit into that group and some people aren't.  A healthy family approaching this kindred for possible membership is more likely to be a good fit than an individual who has been divorced three times.  Someone who has been a successful member of other groups and knows how to interact within a social group is a better bet than the reclusive loner who is terminally socially awkward.  Someone who has shown long-term commitment in other areas of their life is a much better bet than someone who is never long in one job, in one place, or one relationship.

But each family and each individual are case-by-case, and should be judged by their deeds.  I say judged by their deeds, because in this day and age there are many that can talk the talk...and talk it convincingly.  But, you have to look behind the curtain, ignore the flowery words, the song-and-dance, and the emotional appeals, and get right at who this person actually is and what they actually do.  When they interact with your kindred, are they contributing, helping out, sharing, and interested in learning how to fit well into your kindred?  Do you see in their lives consistent signs of stability, commitment, loyalty, teamwork, and family-oriented thinking and actions?  Or is something else going on?

It is also important to examine every aspect of a individual or family before letting them begin working toward joining the kindred.  We've talked about stability, loyalty, commitment, ability to be part of a family or team, etc.  But, one aspect that is sometimes neglected or forgotten is the social aspect.  If you allow a new member into your kindred, you are going to be spending an immense amount of time with him or her.  You will be interacting with them socially on a regular basis.  If they annoy you, tire you, or bring with them serious personality conflicts, then these problems must be completely resolved before you can move forward.  Potential members that are socially awkward or inept can also be a problem depending on the severity of their ineptness.  Building and maintaining a kindred is hard enough when you all like each other a lot and get along well.  If there are members of the kindred that do not like each other or don't know how to get along it can be toxic.  

UNDERSTANDING IS IMPORTANT

A little earlier I wrote, what can often cause problems, is when Heathens with differing levels of involvement or immersion meet and interact, without a good understanding of their differences.

For instance, if I approached every new Heathen that attended their first open event with us and demanded that they get on-board immediately with the same level of involvement as we have within the kindred, I would drive nearly everyone away.  This goes equally so for long-time Heathens in the Kansas City area or the region around us.  If they are at a place in their life where it works better for them or they simply prefer to have less immersion, then what purpose would it serve for me to demand more of them?  One aspect of being a tribal Heathen that is sometimes overlooked, is that I don't expect everyone to believe and practices exactly as I do.  I don't demand that of other people, or judge them negatively for not being exactly like me...or believing exactly as I do.  Each tribe and family has its own ways and its own Thew, and I respect that.

When a kindred is examining someone for potential membership in their kindred, they need to keep in mind the level of immersion for which this potential new member appears ready.  To do otherwise sets everyone up for problems down the road.

Mark Ludwig Stinson

Jotun's Bane Kindred

Temple of Our Heathen Gods

http://www.heathengods.com  

Jotun's Bane Kindred - Moving Forward in 2013

Yule and the New Year is a time of reflection and consideration of the prior year -- and a time of vision and planning for the coming year.  Recent successes and failures are reviewed and examined, lessons are learned, new Thew is crafted and existing Thew is adjusted and evolved.  And the future sprawls before you, rife with both pitfalls and opportunities.

Going into 2013, our kindred membership is a strong and vibrant group of loyal and honorable Heathens, some oathed, some applicants, and some prospects.

The Stinsons -- Mark, Jennifer, Nathan, Elizabeth, and Joshua
The Hamilton's -- Johnny, Kimberly, Zac, Raven, and Lillian
Will Burris (and Ruffus)
The Steveson's -- Glen and Susan
The Hopkins -- Bo and Kella
The Thurston's - James and Stephanie
Joel Archer and Jackie Christiansen

The members of Jotun's Bane Kindred are feeling enormously joyful about the future of our families, our kindred, and our friends within the regional community.  We have a full schedule of both private events and public outreach on our schedule for the year.  We're looking forward to hosting both our Ostara Gathering and the fifth annual Lightning Across the Plains Gathering, and celebrating our sixth year as an oathed kindred.  We have a lot of road-trips on our calendar to visit other kindreds in our region and attend their gatherings as well.  It is a good feeling to be making forward progress with good friends at your side.

Jotun's Bane Kindred is hopeful that those reading this have a full and meaningful 2013 ahead of them as well.

:-)

Mark Ludwig Stinson
Jotun's Bane Kindred
Temple of Our Heathen Gods
http://www.heathengods.com

Frith - Avoiding Selfish and Self-Centered Behavior

While this can be a little difficult for any modern person to understand or fully comprehend, our Heathen ancestors lived in a state of Frith with their kin.  In a sense, the individual did not exist as a social unit, with the family as the smallest unit within society.  When one member of the family accomplished something good, the whole family was credited and benefited from it.  When one member of the family did something wrong, every member of the family suffered some degree of shame and would pay the price for it.  Having a family or kin group meant that you mattered or had value as a member of that group.  An individual without a kin group had no one to speak for him/her at Thing, no one to avenge his/her death, and that individual was essentially nothing.  Alone.  A Nithling.  With no more powers or rights than an out-law really.

In modern Heathenry, one of the biggest barriers any kindred faces, is the individualism and selfishness taught to us by our mainstream culture.  Our modern culture tells us that our invidual feelings and needs are paramount, and need to be deeply examined, analyzed, and understood.  In a sense, the modern world tends to encourage us to view the world as something of our own creation, and that everyone else is just a secondary character in the story that is our individual life.

Mainstream religions are heavily focused on "individual salvation," the "free will" of the individual, and an individual's personal relationship with the divine.  Our mainstream culture encourages a disposable consumer world, where the individual's pleasure and every materialistic need should be pursued or bought on credit.   Our modern culture has slowly turned marriage, the structural and legal basis for family stability, into a rotating door of multiple marriages, baby's daddies, and a wink-and-a-nod regarding the idea of life-time commitment.  

So, this is the cultural environment from which potential or current members of your kindred are emerging.  A cultural environment completely at odds with the long-term keeping of oaths.  Completely at odds with the concept that the needs of a family or kin group are more important than the needs of any one individual in that group.  Completely at odds with any effort to create a kindred where the members live in true Frith to one another.  Completely at odds with the sort of generousity, openness, and selflessness it takes to fully invest one's efforts into a kindred and to have the best interests of that kindred at the forefront of your thoughts and efforts.  Completely at odds with following the Thew of one's kin group and accepting and participating in the consenus-building at the heart of the successful efforts of one's kin group.

And we wonder why kindred's fail.  We wonder why over time, kindred members leave and new ones take their place, only to be replaced in turn when the those replacements eventually leave.  We wonder why some give up the idea of building strong kindreds amid the frustrations to dealing with pervasive selfishness, drama-seeking, and discord caused by those that can't get out of their own head long enough to really be a full and Frithful part of the group.

So, the point of this essay is to directly address this selfishness, both describing some examples of when selfishness is at play, how to avoid it, and how to deal with it effectively when it happens.

YOU ARE AN EXTENSION OF YOUR KINDRED

Frithful kindred members understand that everything they do and say, is an extension of their kindred.  They know that their words and deeds directly affect their own personal Gefrain (reputation, renown, fame), but that more importantly their words and deeds directly affect their kindred's Gefrain.  Many modern Heathens have trouble keeping in mind their own Gefrain, let alone the Gefrain of their kindred.  But this is an important part of a honor-based culture, with shame-based consequences for bad actions.  How will something you do affect your kindred?  How will something you say or do affect your kindred?  If what you say or do will have a positive, helpful, and good result for your kindred then move forward.  If what you say or do will have a negative, hurtful, or bad result for your kindred then don't move forward.  This seems a like pretty simple common-sense idea on paper.  But, you will see over and over again, Heathens failing to think about this, or to take it into consideration when making choices.  

Frith demands that part of judging whether your words or deeds will have a positive or negative effect, is considering the Thew (unwritten traditions, expectations) of your kindred.  If you truly know your kindred brothers and sisters well, then you will know how they will view your words and deeds without even having to ask them.  But if you aren't sure, then it is a good idea to ask for rede (advice) on the matter.  And if you say or do something that all or most of your kindred feels had a negative affect on the kindred and they bring it to your attention, you owe it to them to listen and closely consider the rede (advice) they are giving you.  If the matter is serious enough, then the payment of completion of Shyld (obligation) may be required to set things right.

Selfish kindred members care only for their own needs and viewpoints, and give very little, if any, thought to the impact their words or deeds will have upon their kindred.  They don't take kindred Thew, the kindred's Gefrain, or the feelings of their fellow kindred members into consideration when making decisions.  When a kindred member or the kindred as a whole points out something negative that selfish kindred members have done or said, they will tend to get angry, defiant, resentful, and rebellious.  This negative reaction tends to happen no matter how reasonably or calmly they are approached regarding the matter.  Excuses are given, lip-service may be paid, and there may be all kinds of assurances given that it won't happen again.  But, the selfish kindred members will often be right back at it a day or a week later, because they never really bothered to consider or internalize the advice given by the kindred.  Selfish kindred members see kindred Thew as an unwelcome and unfair restriction of their own personal needs and wishes, because the world is all about them.

Frithful kindred members understand that as an extension of their kindred, any first impression of them will also be a first impression an outsider will naturally extend to their kindred.  So, it is important that their words and deeds reflect the honor, the commitment, and the loyalty with which the kindred approaches our Folkway.  Selfish kindred members tend to be loose-cannons that say and do whatever they want, whenever they want, with very little concern for how others will react.  And by extension, they are showing very little concern for how others will react to their kindred.

BE DEDICATED AND COMMITTED TO THE KINDRED'S EFFORTS

Frithful kindred members understand that kindred events are at the core of what the kindred is attempting to build, maintain, and accomplish.  They pay careful attention to the kindred schedule, and schedule non-kindred events and other obligations around kindred events as much as possible.  When Frithful kindred members have a lot going on in their lives, they use their time wisely so that they aren't forced to sacrifice time with their kindred in order to get things done they should already have gotten done.  Frithful kindred members don't give constant excuses for missing kindred events, because they understand that everyone in the kindred is busy as well...but that everyone in the kindred is expected to make the time to be there for the kindred.

Selfish kindred members are selfish with their time and don't seem to understand the importance of kindred events.  The often complain about the time-commitment to the kindred.  They don't bother to schedule their other commitments around the kindred, and tend to miss events with a handy excuse every time. When the selfish kindred members have a lot going on in their lives they don't use their time well, forcing them to sacrifice time with their kindred in order finish things they should have gotten done rather than playing video games, watching television, or partying in their free time.  Selfish kindred members can be found at the kindred events that they consider fun or rewarding, but strangely absent at kindred events that weren't their idea or events where work is involved.

At events the kindred is hosting, Frithful kindred members can be seen working hard, anticipating problems, and contributing in every way they can to the effort.  You will see them communicating with one another, supporting each other, and lending a hand whereever it is needed.  

Selfish kindred members have trouble seeing themselves as part of a greater effort, and will often have trouble communicating with other members of their kindred.  They will point out problems for others to solve rather than fixing the problems themselves.  When there is work to be done, selfish kindred members are often difficult to find.  Selfish kindred members often feel or look "lost" in these situations of collaborative effort, as they are unsure or unable to get outside their own heads and see themselves as part of the machinery of the kindred.  They tend to accomplish one or two tasks during the event, and feel satisfied in their effort or even boast about their effort, while others in the kindred complete literally scores of tasks during the same amount of time. 

BE REASONABLE AND DRAMA FREE

Frithful kindred members are self-aware enough to know when they are acting on unhealthy patterns in their own lives.  If they aren't self-aware enough to know, then they will at least listen when a kindred member or the kindred as a whole points out some sort of unhealthy pattern they seem to be acting out.  Once the unhealthy pattern has been pointed out, Frithful kindred members factor this into their decision-making, looking for any sign of unreasonable or emotional behavior on their part.  And they freely welcome input from other kindred members at times they are falling back on old unhealthy patterns.

Some examples of unhealthy patterns:

• Reacting defiantly to anyone who makes a decision or exercises any authority
• Needing and seeking any form of attention, even negative attention
• Passive-aggressive behavior
• Needing to be the center of attention in every situation
• Doing things for shock value
• Needing strife and conflict to feel normal, and thus causing discord out of habit
• Rudeness to other people on a regular basis
• Drinking too much, coupled with the behavior problems that result
• Seeing others as parent-figures, and the need to rebel against them
• Showing a lack of empathy, thinking only of one's self
• Procrastinating anything difficult or anything unfamiliar
• Over-committing to events or efforts, and rarely following through
• etc.

Selfish kindred members do not have any self-awareness.  They never get outside their own heads long enough to really look at themselves, and analyze what they are doing or why they are doing it.  So, they are either unaware of unhealthy patterns they follow, or in being aware of them they have no interest in actually changing them.  When approached by a kindred member or the kindred as a whole about an unhealthy pattern they are following, selfish kindred members refuse to listen or accept what is being told to them.  They will make excuses, justify their negative behavior pattern, and usually attempt to turn the blame back onto the kindred.  Selfish kindred members will sometimes pay lip-service to changing their unhealthy pattern, but because they never fully accept it as true, they refuse to change or correct the problem. 

One factor that inhibits a selfish kindred member from accepting input or criticism from a member of their kindred or the kindred as a whole, is the fact they live according to a "script."  They live the world from inside their own head, and everyone and everything is forced to conform to how they view the world.  All advice and input is put through this filter, and selfish kindred members hear only what they want to hear and understand only what they want to understand.  The kindred can spend scores of hours over many months working with a selfish kindred member to correct a troublesome pattern in their behavior, but very little of what is said is absorbed, understood, or accepted without first going through the filter of what the selfish kindred members think they are should be hearing.  This disconnect in communication will sometimes make it impossible to fix a problem and ultimately, in order to protect itself, the kindred will need to move beyond simply communicating the problem to the selfish kindred member.

BUILD CONSENSUS AND ACCEPT CONSENSUS

Regardless of your kindred structure or the leadership functions you have in place, a kindred fuctions best when decision-making is done by consensus.  A Frithful kindred leader knows to build consensus in his decisions and accept input whenever possible, prior to putting his decisions in place.  Frithful kindred members know that the key to building consensus regarding the direction and efforts of their kindred, is communication.  One must be able to communicate one's ideas, explaining what they entail and the benefits and opportunities they will create.  Frithful kindred members understand that kindred consensus, carefully built and agreed to by the group as a whole, is more likely to succeed and build Luck for the kindred, than the ideas of just one person.  As such, even when they don't 100% agree with an idea or how it is being done, they will trust the consensus process and accept the collective direction the groups want to go.

Selfish kindred members are frustrated by any changes or additions to an idea or opinion they bring forward.  They want what they want, and the idea of spending time building or agreeing to a kindred consensus regarding a decision is time-wasted to their way of thinking.  Because the idea is "theirs," they feel a sense of ownership in the idea and any suggested changes or improvements are intrusions upon something they own.  Selfish kindred members do not understand that a consensus carefully built and agreed to by the group as a whole, is almost always stronger and more likely to succed and bring Luck to the kindred, than the ideas of just one person.  They may understand it intellectually, but emotionally they react completely against the concept.  It is selfish kindred members who are more likely to invoke the "it is my football, and I'm taking it home" rule when they don't get their way.

JUST GET IT DONE

Frithful kindred members see the efforts and accomplishments of their kindred as something that belongs to the collective whole.  As such, they work hard, take initiative, and when they see something that needs to be done, they do it.  They don't expect anyone to do it for them.  When they see someone else in the kindred that needs help or assistance, they offer that assistance freely.  When Frithful kindred members anticipate or spot a problem, they point it out and offer solutions...they may even offer to fix it on behalf of the kindred.  Frithful kindred members are more likely to be concerned about the kindred succeeding in its goals and efforts, than any concern for who may individually get credit for the work.  They understand that when the kindred succeeds, they succeed as well.  Frithful kindred members say the word "we" as a matter of reflex and this is a window into how they view their relationship with their kindred.

Selfish kindred members tend to wait for things to be done for them.  They often have to be told to work, rarely take initiative, and when they see something that needs to be done, they ask why someone else hasn't done it.  When they see someone else in the kindred that is having trouble with completing a task, they are more likely to offer criticism and judgement than they are offer assistance.  When selfish kindred members anticipate or spot a problem, they tend to empahsize the problem and assign blame, rather than offering any real solutions to what is happening.  Selfish kindred members tend to emphasize their own efforts, and seek credit for those efforts individually.  Selfish kindred members say the word "I" as a matter of reflex, because in their world they are at the center of everything.

SHADES OF GRAY

I've structured this essay in a very black & white way, pitting Frithful kindred members against selfish kindred members, and comparing and contrasting them.  Almost no-one is flawlessly Frithful in every case and in all but the most extreme cases no-one is utterly selfish.  Encouraging Frith within one's kindred is a constant process.  Over time, Frith becomes a state of mind...a new norm, that replaces the selfish norm of our mainstream culture for those that work at it.  For our kindreds to grow in size, strength, and stability Frith must prosper within our kindreds, and selfishness must be addressed and corrected.  It is my hope that by out-lining some of the symptoms of selfishness, we can see it for what it is and discourage it when it rears its ugly head.

This essay is certainly not about a specific person, and no one reading it should feel the need to get defensive about what is said here.  If you think I'm addressing this essay directly to you specifically, then that is probably a pretty good sign that you are one of those people who thinks "this is all about you."  But we could certainly all benefit from asking ourselves the following questions and carefully considering our answers:

1. Do you view yourself as an individual that happens to belong to a kindred or do you view yourself as a part of your kindred?
2. Do you consider the impact your words or deeds may have on your kindred before you speak or act?
3. Do you consider the thew and expectations of your kindred when choosing your words and deeds?
4. Do you make every effort to attend kindred events and schedule your calendar around your kindred's calendar?
5. Do you manage your time, so that you aren't forced to sacrifice time with your kindred due to the time you've wasted playing video-games, watching television, and seeking selfish diversions?
6. Do you find yourself frequently telling everyone in your kindred how busy you are and why you can't help with things or interact with them as much as you'd like?  Have you ever considered they may be just as busy if not busier than you?
7. Do you work hard on kindred efforts, contributing in every way you can, solving problems, and making things happen?
8. Do you examine what you are doing and why you are doing it to make sure you are not acting out unhealthy patterns of behavior?
9. Do you listen to input and criticism from other kindred members when they point out an unhealthy pattern of behavior that keeps coming up and causing problems...or do you blame such criticism on kindred members being judgemental or "not understanding you?"  Do you often feel like the victim?
10. Do you sometimes get accused of "not really hearing what people are telling you?  Do you sometimes get accused of "hearing what you want to hear?"
11. Do you like getting input from other kindred members on your ideas?  Do you accept the collective decision making process and trust the final decision made, even if it doesn't fit exactly with what you wanted to happen?
12. Do you tend to offer help or offer blame more often when something is not getting done or something is not going as planned?
13. Are the often the center of drama or discord within your kindred?  Why is that do you think?

If those questions make you uncomfortable or you don't really like your answers to the above questions, then get to work and fix the problem.  You will be happier and more successful and your kindred will be happier and more successful.

Mark Ludwig Stinson

Jotun's Bane Kindred

Temple of Our Heathen Gods

http://heathengods.com

Creating a Scheduled Events Calendar for Your Kindred

One of the great benefits of being in a kindred, is your close association and cooperation with other Heathens that you trust and enjoy being around.  A kindred represents your close inner-circle of friends.  You share group-identity with the other members of the kindred, and live in true Frith with one another.  You learn together, accomplish things together, exchange ideas and thoughts on things, your children play together, and in many ways it is like a close-knit extended family.

One of the difficulties that can come up in a kindred is getting everyone together at one time.  Kindred members have different work schedules, different outside activities they have committed to attend, family obligations, and things they need to accomplish around their homes each week.  So, trying to schedule an impromptu event every week or every month can be quite a challenge.  Having regularly scheduled kindred events and an events calender is way around this problem.  So, while the topic of this essay may not sound like the most interesting of topics...it hits directly on when your kindred gets together and what you accomplish as a group.

For example, Jotun's Bane Kindred has a kindred event scheduled every two weeks.  We plan out our schedule in November for all of the following year.  We decide what events will be private events (for kindred members only), semi-private events (for kindred members and invited friends of our kindred), and public events (open events that anyone can attend).  We put our road trips to visit other kindreds and to attend heathen gatherings on the schedule, as well as our study groups, fainings, trash-pickup days, social events, and everything else we plan to do the following year.  We've been scheduling our events a year in advance for 4 years now, and this essay represents what we've learned during that time.

HOW TO DECIDE ON A SCHEDULE?

It is possible that one person in the kindred, perhaps someone in a leadership position, could decided on what the event schedule would be and then give that schedule to the rest of the kindred members.  I don't think this is a particularly wise course of action.  As with most issues of importance in a kindred, things run more smoothly if everyone's ideas and input are considered, and then a discussion is had within the kindred until a consensus is reached.  The best way to create an event schedule is to have a kindred meeting, have a blank calendar for the next year in hand, and then create the next year's schedule as a group. 

So, if you have a new kindred or your existing kindred wants to impliment an events schedule, let's go through the various steps in the process and some things to keep in mind.

      

HOW OFTEN ARE EVENTS?

It is important to remember that just because your kindred has decided to schedule a kindred event every week, or two weeks, or every month...does not mean this is the only time kindred members can get together.  Couples can get together for dinner.  Individual members can get together to go to the movies or a concert.  Families can go to a park together.  Since the kindred is a group of close friends there is every reason to expect that kindred members will get together and hang out more often than you events schedule will reflect.  What an events schedule provides is the minimum amount of gatherings your kindred will have as a whole during the year.

The key to choosing how often to schedule events is to choose a frequency that is possible for everyone in the kindred.  A calender with unrealistically frequent scheduled events will place hardships on some or all kindred members, and will cause a situation where scheduled kindred events actually get in the way of the more casual impromptu get-togethers. 

So getting everyone's input on the frequency of events is important, as well as being ready to make adjustments to the calender is it becomes clear that the frequency of the schedule is causing serious problems.

Another question to consider is just how far in advance you want to schedule events.  You could schedule them out a few months in advance...six months in advance...or a year in advance.  Jotun's Bane Kindred has found that we benefit from making a schedule for the following year in November.  By planning out the entire next year, we have a very good idea going into the new year exactly what we hope to do and accomplish in that year.  We know what public events and Heathen gatherings we plan to host.  We know what road-trips we are going to make to visit other kindreds and attend Heathen gatherings in our region.  Best of all, we know what we will need to plan and organize in order to make that schedule succeed.

WHEN AND WHERE SHOULD THE EVENTS BE HELD?

It can be helpful if there is some consistency to when your scheduled events take place.  So with everyone's input, attempt to identify a day of the week when everyone is free to attend.  For Jotun's Bane Kindred we determined that Sunday afternoons and evenings were open for every kindred member to attend.

When you've identified a day of the week that works for everyone, then decide on what times you want to meet. This can vary based on the sort of event you are holding, but having a somewhat consistent start time helps avoid confusion.  For Jotun's Bane Kindred, we tend to start our Sunday events at 3:00 PM.  This gives us time to have an activity of some sort, eat a pot-luck meal with one another, and then have more activities, social time, or a Symbel.

It is important you choose a location for every event that is appropriate to the event you have planned.  It can be really nice to rotate private events through the homes of various kindred members.  But keep in mind that some kindred member's homes won't have enough seating for the entire kindred. 

For public events, you are better off holding them in public places (coffee shops, book stores, restaurants, bars, parks) so that complete stangers aren't being brought into a kindred member's home.  Another approach to this is to require strangers to meet with you prior to attending a public event, so you can check them out prior to having them into someone's home.

WHAT KINDS OF EVENTS INTEREST THE KINDRED?

There are a wide variety of types of events you could put on the schedule.

One of the first things we do is place the holy days we are going to celebrate on our schedule.  We traditionally schedule these on our regular meteing day that is closest to the actual holy day.  Some kindreds may choose to schedule celebrations on the actual holy day (as they calculate it), but we have chosen not to do this.

It is important to consider the holidays and events of the mainstream culture.  For instance, scheduling a study group session on Mother's Day will likely result in many members not being able to attend.  Often, kindred member's already have standard activities or vacations planned for the 4th of July or Memorial Day weekend.  Staying clear of these prior obligations and plans will make your schedule better. 

You'll also want to put on the calendar any Heathen gatherings you may be attending or any visits to other kindreds you want to make.  Factoring these road-trips into your calendar up-front will avoid schedule conflicts, allow kindred members to budget for them, and allow you to RSVP for the events as a kindred.

The next thing you will want to decide is how many public events you are going to want to schedule.  Public events are open to whomever wants to attend and are normally announced and publicized as part of a kindred's educational outreach.  Public events could include:

• Celebration of a holy day
• Heathen workshops at a coffeeshop, bookstore, or home
• Open study groups at a coffeeshop, bookstore, or home
• Open fainings or blots at a park or home
• Pubmoots at a restaurant or bar
• Picnics at a park followed by a Symbel
• Campouts on a kindred member's land or a campground
• Trash pick-ups or other service projects
• Attending a nordic festival or museum as a group
• Going to a German restaurant as a group
• Hosting a Heathen gathering

While public events are fun and serve a positive purpose, holding too many public events takes away from private time for the kindred itself to gather.  This is especially true for the celebration of holy days.  For instance, Jotun's Bane Kindred does hold a public event during Ostara, but we have always kept our Yule celebration completely private. So there needs to be a healthy balance between fully public events, private events that friend are personally invited to attend, and events that are purely private.

Private events can be nearly anything, ranging from events with a deeply spiritual Heathen focus to events that are entirely social and have very little direct connection to Heathenry.  And some are a combination.  Again, you will want a healthy balance between events with a heathen focus and those with a social focus.  Some examples:

• Celebration of holy days
• Fainings or blots followed by a feast and Symbel
• Traveling to visit another kindred or Heathen gathering
• Study groups, discussion groups, and workshops
• Camping, hiking, or fishing
• Going out to a restaurant, concert, or sporting event
• Going to a Nordic festival or museum
• Craft nights
• Activities, outings, or classes for children
• Movie nights at someone's home
• Games, contests, and challenges

There may be events that get priority and reoccur more often than others.  Some kindreds may want to have at least one faining or blot every month.  Others may want a study group session on a monthly basis.  Jotun's Bane Kindred decided early on that we would have a Pubmoot or public event at least every 2 months.  So, if there is some function or event you want to give some priority to, just make sure that is represented on your finished calendar.

Your goal is to come up with a balanced schedule that everyone in the kindred is excited about.  So getting input from everyone is important.  Don't forget to put a scheduling meeting on your schedule toward the end of the year, so that you can plan the next year's events.

WHAT ATTENDANCE EXPECTATIONS/OBLIGATIONS EXIST?

The hope of course is that every kindred member will want to be at every scheduled event, and will do everything possible to prioritize their time accordingly so that they can be at every event.

Part of prioritizing one's time, is using all of your time wisely so that you get the things you need to get done in life at times when kindred events are not scheduled.

Obviously, there are reasonable causes to miss a scheduled kindred event.  Work obligations, funerals, medical emergencies, weddings, and other important circumstances can prevent attendance at an event.  But even in these circumstances, the kindred member who must miss an event has an obligation to let the rest of the kindred know with as much advance warning as possible.

One type of event that runs into unique attendance problems is a kindred road-trip to visit another kindred or attend a Heathen gathering.  These events depend on gas and food money, dependable transportantion, the ability to be gone for several days, and sometimes registration fees.  There are times when a kindred member or family will not be able to attend due to finances, inability to get time off, or car troubles.  Again, this is completely understandable as long as the kindred member gives the kindred as much warning as possible.

Another part of prioritizing one's time that is often neglected is thinking ahead, and making sure you hold back enough time on your personal schedule to assist the kindred in getting ready for a big public event or gathering the kindred is hosting.  Many events take a lot of work and time to organize and bring off successfully, and it works best if every kindred member has made the time to help with planning and preparations.

MOVING SCHEDULED EVENTS?

Make every effort to not move or reschedule events.  By creating a schedule, you are asking every kindred member to prioritize these events and to actively shape their personal schedule in a way that allows them to attend all of the events.  When you move an event, you throw a proverbial wrench into the works.

When you attempt to move an event to accomodate one member that can't attend, you put hardships on the other kindred members.  Often, moving an event for one member makes it difficult or even impossible for other members to attend.  You also risk creating a culture where members don't feel the need to work very hard to keep their personal schedule in line with the kindred schedule.  You may unintentionally create the impression that a kindred member can double-book on a day you have a kindred event scheduled, because, "You'll just move the event for me anyway."

There will be some events that some kindred members will have to miss because important obligations in their lives get in the way.  That's life.

PUBLISHING THE SCHEDULED EVENTS CALENDARS

Once you have scheduled events for the next year, you can publish or provided the full calendar to every kindred member, so that they can integrate that schedule into their personal calendars or plans.  You can invite friends to the events that the kindred has agreed to allow friends to attend.  And you can publically publish or provide a list or calendar of the public events you are holding.

This can be done printed out on a simple piece of paper.  It is also possible to self-publish a calendar on any number of print-on-demand on-line services.  You can also distribute this information by email, Facebook message, or by posting it on a website.  The idea is to ensure that the appropriate information regarding the schedule is easily available and is delivered to the appropriate audience.  The public at large does not need to know when or where you private events are being held, but it is important that the public at large be made aware of your public events.  At the same time, your kindred members need a handy place to check the schedule whenever they have a question or are making plans.

THE VALUE OF HAVING SCHEDULED EVENTS

I think having a scheduled events calendar and putting it together in the way I've described here can benefit a kindred in many ways.  First of all, it ensures that the kindred is getting together as a whole on a regular basis.  It allows for the kindred to plan ahead to future events, and prepare and organize them properly.  It allows you to publish a list or calender of your public events far in advance, allowing interested people to plan their personal calendars around your public events.  It allows kindred members to plan their own personal calendars around all of the events on the kindred's calender, and to prioritize their time and their lives around those events.  Bringing all of these benefits together, the end result is your events, both public and private, will be better organized, more successful, and better attended across the board. 

Mark Ludwig Stinson

Jotun's Bane Kindred

Temple of Our Heathen Gods

http://www.heathengods.com

Business Cards for Your Kindred can be Helpful

Now and again we run into people wearing Thor's Hammer around their neck.  Some of them are Heathens here in Kansas City that we're meeting for the first time.  Some are interested in the culture of our Ancestors, and see Mjolnir as a "cool thing to wear."  Some are into fans of Viking Metal, a very loud growl-heavy music. Regardless, we'll often introduce ourselves and tell them about the Temple of Our Heathen Gods website at http://www.heathengods.com.  We'll tell them about Jotun's Bane Kindred, and an upcoming Open Event that we are hosting.  But, that's a lot of information to express in an introductory conversation.

In the past we had some very simple business cards, but recently Johnny Whitebread came up with some very nice looking business cards that he had designed.  They were very eye-catching and professional, and packed with information.  This prompted me to come up with a business card design for myself, and here is the front and back of it:

This card was inexpensive enough to produce that I'm now working on making cards for every member of our kindred, with their information on them...rather than mine.  That way, whenever any of our kindred members has that chance run-in with a new Heathen or potential Heathen, we can keep the conversation less overwhelming but still give them the information they need to get in touch with us if they want, ask questions, and learn more about who we are and what we believe.

You can have fairly inexpensive business cards made at a FedEx/Kinko's store, Office Depot, Office Max, or any print shop.  You can buy pre-cut cards you can print on your own printer at home.  Or you can really save some money by buying 500 sheets of cardstock, printing your own cards, and then cutting them yourself with a paper-cutter.  It really depends on how much time you want to spend on them.  Make sure that your business card design is clear, easy to read, and that it communicates exactly what you want to communicate to whomever it is you will be giving them.  Once you have the printed up, you can buy a small business card case to carry them in for anywhere from $2 to $5 at nearly any office supply store.  That way they are always with you.

If you are working on starting, maintaining, or growing a kindred in your area...having some nice business cards printed up and keeping them with you, is a good way to make the best of those random encounters with individuals and families that may be interested in being a part of your efforts.  They are also enormously useful when new Heathens show up at your open events.  You can introduce yourself, talk with them a bit, answer any questions they have, and give them a business card to take home with them so that they can more easily get in touch with you in the future.  Giving these to Heathens you meet at Heathen gatherings is an excellent way to make and keep connections with other Heathens.

Mark Ludwig Stinson

Jotun's Bane Kindred

Temple of Our Heathen Gods

http://www.heathengods.com

What it Takes to Maintain a Good Kindred

I think a kindred is like any meaningful friendship or even like a marriage.  It takes good judgement, commitment, hard-work, and generosity to make it work.

You have to have the good judgement to choose people who are capable of working hard on building and maintaining the kindred with you.  They have to be stable enough, hard-working enough, and generous enough to make it work, despite glitches and growing pains that are naturally going to develop.  The people and families involved in the kindred need to be compatible.  "Compatible" can mean a lot of different things, but it does not mean being exactly alike.  Like any friendship or marriage, if you choose the wrong people to partner with...they will fail you, and thus destroy or greatly harm the mutual effort.

You have to be committed to making it work, and stable enough to not just wander off whenever the going gets a little rough.  You have to really believe in what you are doing, and willing to do what it takes to make it happen...and maintain it over time.

You have to be willing to work-hard at it.  You can't procrastinate fixing problems or doing necessary work.  You have to put in the time and effort to maintain the necessary connections and frith that holds the kindred together.

There is a level of generosity that is necessary to make a friendship, marriage or kindred work.  There is a give and take.  You have to offer trust, and also be trustworthy.  You have to believe in people, and also maintain your own credibility.  You have to be willing to listen to other people, and also share your own ideas.  You have to be willing to compromise at times, or better yet, work towards a group consensus that makes everyone satisfied with the direction your group is going.  Selfishness does not fit well into this equation.

All of this good judgement, commitment, hard-work, and generosity can come together, in the right time, the right place, and the right people into a frithful, lucky group...that is able to accomplish much more than the sum of its individual members.  Like a good marriage, in a good kindred relationship all the hard work and effort is well worth it.  It pays out to everyone involved, at least as much as they put in...if not more.

Mark Ludwig Stinson
Jotun's Bane Kindred
Temple of Our Heathen Gods
http://www.heathengods.com